As I continue pursuing a writing career, it's clear I've committed to a life-long journey of self discovery.

I'm experience tremendous personal growth, both in terms of my writing and what really makes me tick.

For the last couple years, I've spent a great deal of time mastering story structure. As a result, my work became stiff, unnatural - meticulously planned and machine like.

Two weeks ago I turned in material to my critique group. The feedback was unanimous: The plotting was good, but the story was lifeless.

So I compared what I'd turned in with earlier work and immediately saw the problem. My early work, while raw, had distinctive flair. The story lacked focus, but it had heart.

Somewhere along the way that heart slowed to a flutter.

This week I tried an experiment: Write with my heart.

I got my head out of the way. I set aside the structure, act breaks, catalysts, midpoints, etc.

I put my imagination back to work, let my excitement guide me, and wrote with my heart.

What a difference!

The characters and world came to life.

I'm not condemning time spent mastering structure. It's critical, and I'm thankful to have it. Whenever I get stuck there are tools and guides to provide direction.

And story needs direction.

So my latest discovery is this:

Write with passion. Re-write with purpose.

Somewhere along the line I expect some natural synthesis to occur and I'll simultaneously write with both purpose and passion.

For now though, I'm allowing my writing to be lead by the passion, the need, to tell stories.

It's why I started this journey.

Today I'm polishing my presentation covering Robert Siodmak's contributions to film noir and a detailed analysis of Criss Cross (1949). I'll be presenting the paper at VISIONS Film Festival in Wilmington, NC on March 30th.

The presentation includes the Criss Cross trailer and a few clips for illustration purposes. Given I only have 15 minutes, there isn't much I can cover. Thankfully I'm comfortable with public speaking and not freaking out about speaking to a crowd.

I'm hoping the rest of the festival will allow me to network with North Carolina filmmakers, pitch some screenplays, and hopefully drum up some more work.

Speaking of work, I received notes today about my first paid feature.

They were extremely positive - no story changes, just some minor alterations to increase tension and heighten suspense.

Easy fixes.

This evening I'm forcing myself to objectively read through an old feature, make notes, and start re-writing.

After completing the second draft, I'll begin work on a high-concept piece sitting in my TODO bin.

I still need to find time to publish short stories too...

First Draft

I've mentioned a few times about a feature length action film I've been contracted to write.

Over the last couple of months I've gone through three rounds of story meetings and submitting treatments. The basic journey went as follows:

1) Submit 1st Treatment; Feedback: We don't like it, and want the following big picture changes.

2) Submit 2nd Treatment; Feedback: We love it, and could see shooting this film. Here are some minor adjustments.

3) Submit 3rd Treatment; Feedback: Too dense and not reader friendly. We need something we can give to investors, but it's obvious the story's ready, so start writing the first draft.

I'm glad to hear it because this story's raging to escape from my brain. I have tons of research and source material inside the Scrivener project too.

Spring Break...?

On a side note, I'm enrolled in the School of Filmmaking @ UNC School of the Arts in Winston-Salem.

As an adult student pursuing a second undergraduate degree, spring break feels bizarre. It's such a "school" thing to do, it reminds me how far removed I am from that mentality.

The timing couldn't be better though. I have a week to crank out a first draft of the action film. ;)

Final Thought

My wife shared a wonderful link to a presentation by Marianne Williamson about pursuing dreams.

One point in particular really struck me. She claims it's the height of arrogance to turn down your dreams. Only the ego would repudiate gifts explicitly designed to fulfill the desires of your heart.

Consider from the perspective of the Creator. I've created this creature, a child of my own making, and I want nothing but blessings for them; an extraordinary life of bliss. To that end I will give them talent to achieve their heart's desires, and I will also provide everything necessary in terms of support, encouragement, wealth, and connections to excel.

Now, for me to know my heart's desire, and deny it effectively positions myself higher than God. It's saying, "No, that gift isn't good enough. I can do better."

The fascinating part follows when we consider the previous statement. Assume that we ARE higher than God, and that we DO know better how to achieve our happiness. Wouldn't we then give ourselves fulfilling dreams and goals? And wouldn't we provide the means for attaining those dreams and goals? And we might even laugh knowingly that the rewards of those dreams are greater than we could ever imagine.

Ultimately then, whether dreams are God given or self-driven, the means are there.

I've returned to school to pursue a dream of writing and directing in Hollywood. I have doubt. I have fear. And I have faith the means will reveal themselves.

I just have to honor my dreams and pursue them. The talent and means are there.

As a writer, I struggle relaying the big picture elements when pitching my stories.

Not good.

A good pitch should be concise and to the point. No extraneous information. Short on details, and long on concept.

Blake Snyder would say the trouble stems from not really understanding what your story is about.

I agree.

Today I was asked to pitch a story. In less than five minutes I received a red light. I had already lost the listener. It struck me how much this essential skill eludes me.

Writing more loglines will help. Pitching more will help.

I've gotten better, but I'm still not good at it.

Ultimately, it's about boiling off all the crap until there's nothing left but the essence of the story. Once you have that, the details aren't propping up a weak concept, rather they're further enhancing an already stellar story.

I have a feature length script I've written, re-written, and have decided to let die.

Or cryogenically stored. (well, maybe not cryogenically - that would require freezing my backup hard disk)

After re-working the theme for the film, I realized I didn't have anything interesting. Nothing gripping that would hold a reader's attention. The story rehashed previously explored ideas into generic packaging.

I've been working on this feature for 12 months, and it's devoured every ounce of creative energy I've given it, but despite nurturance it hasn't evolved.

It's time to move on.

Kill your babies. I know, I know, but this is like throwing out the crib, formula, and toys, then repainting the baby room some realtor pleasing shade of blah.

The upside being I have a vacant room.

So, tonight I searched for a new tenant by rummaging through my storage bin of ideas and rediscovering some lost loves - unborn, infant ideas waiting for a room to flourish in.

I don't relish releasing material I've worked so hard on, but it's been educational and enlightening. As a developing writer, I've matured tremendously, and the lessons I've learned will improve future endeavors.

Maybe I'll revisit that story one day. Maybe I'll reincarnate some of the characters. Who knows?

But for now, it's time to let go.